Monday, May 6, 2013

The top five sharts in pop music for 2013. (So Far)

May we park your car for you?

Let's face it folks, music in general has been on a downward spiral since the 2000's, but no where has it been the more obvious in decline of quality than in the pop music realm. 

Now the term usually signifies music that is popular with the masses, but the more commercialized the industry becomes, the less it is really about the listener and more about getting you to buy something you never knew you actually needed.

The sad part about making this list is that it was not hard to find crap songs to write about since 95% of pop music out there right now is god awful.

To me, everything sounds like just one big glitter turd explosion of mediocrity, and ladies and gentleman these are so bad that I don't know if I would even consider them actual songs, they are more like sharts.....

So here is my list of the top five sharts in pop music for 2013 (so far)

5. Pittbull featuring Christina Aguilera Feel this Moment

I would love to know why Christina keeps doing crap songs to be a part of, she is so much better than guest starring with Pittbull, I mean c'mon it's Pittbull! 
This guy has about as much charisma as a corpse. 
It's like the producers just gave him a list of  products and celebrity names to spout into the microphone and they add a fucking beat to it, I still have no idea why this guys is famous.

Christina on the other hand has one of the most amazing voices in the industry but you would never know that with her terrible song choices. 
Now if you don't mind i'm gonna go listen to the album Stripped to wash this bad taste out of my mouth.

4.Kesha C'Mon

Here's another Grammy worthy effort by the genius known as Kesha (I'm not even gonna bother with the $ in her fucking name). 
Full of bad rapping, drug references, partying, no inhibition and a mindless club thumping beat lead to one conclusion: that there is no god....

and if there is he must have one fucked up sense of humor for letting Kesha write music.

3.98 Degrees Microphone 

A 98 degrees song? Weird I thought they all died in a horrible house fire..oh wait that was just the dream I had last night...damn wishful thinking! In any event, here's a new song by the low Budget N'Sync called Microphone, which one can assume is a not so clever play on words to talk about their penis's.

Yes ladies and gentleman it is an entire song about "grab the microphone and sing do re mi fa so"....
I am not shitting you, those are the actual lyrics! lol
Don't believe me? Here is the lyric video above (starring 98 degrees themselves) showing the sheer brilliance of their song writing skills. 

The song is so bad that youtube has disabled the like button and comments! That only means one thing, It has officially headed into Kim Kardashian Jam territory! Good Job Guys!!!

2. PSY Gentleman 

It's just Gangham Style 2.0 but with a boring dance...what else can be said really? 
At least Gangham had a campy quality to it, but this is just..meh. 
Well, To each his own I guess, I can understand why people like his music, even if it is just a silly dance song.

1. Beyonce Bow Down / I Been On

When I first listened to this song my children thought just by the first sample that I was looking at those funny dancing kitty video's on youtube. Sadly I wish I would have been since at least those make a little bit more sense.

 Where to start? She is a huge walking contradiction in this song and when it was released it confused a lot of people, even yours truly. One moment she says she wants respect and she is a strong independent woman which is a great feminist move, but than tells "bitches to bow down", like we are all her fucking servants. And with the use of the term "Bitch" it completely demoralizes women and voids the point she originally was trying to make.

I knew Beyonce was ape shit crazy but this song brings a whole new level of narcissism, and the video promotion she did for the ms.carter tour (above) does not help her case one bit.

Between sloppy production values, lyrical context that makes no sense, and the fact that she barely sings at all leads me to believe that Beyonce is far from the musical genius she wants us so desperately to believe she is. 
The only thing Beyonce is queen of is her own delusions of grandeur.

Honorable Mentions: I was going to put Will. i. am on this list but he has done so much bad shit between 2012-2013 that I have decided to write an entire article just about him, so look for that in the near future. xoxox

Agree or Disagree with my List? What would be on your list for the worst songs? 
Sound off in the comments below!

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